A friend posted an article titled “10 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You’re Repressing The Hell Out Of Your Feelings” on social media. Curiosity got the best of me and I proceeded to click on the link to see if I was guilty of doing any of them.
Out of the 10 things listed, only two accurately described me: constantly staying busy and wanting to plan everything ahead of time. Obviously, I have never thought, and still don’t think, that those two habits are negative. I also didn’t think they could be seen as masking my feelings in any way, but rather, showcasing traits that are an example of my immaculate work ethic. But it’s true that in my attempt to look like a driven hard worker, I’m often left feeling like I’m carrying a heavy load on my own.
Like many people, I can get overwhelmed with chaotic days that are filled with never-ending to-do lists and unexpected occurrences. Unfortunately, I use this as an excuse to not fully acknowledge my feelings in the moment. Actually, I do acknowledge them, but I don’t give them the proper attention by directly addressing them, or simply expressing them. After all, I assume that screaming, hitting and severe pouting are reserved for toddlers.
When I hit pause on a particular emotion, I often find some way to push it aside again, using my busy schedule as justification. But what I’m actually doing is refusing to let my emotions completely out for fear of seeming weak. You see, the main way I tend to express my anger and frustration is to cry. I hate crying. More importantly, I hate crying in front of people, and in all honesty, I hate crying by myself. When I was single and living by myself, I still managed to suppress my emotions. Even then, I was ashamed.
Crying, or just pouting about something, made me feel like I wasn’t superwoman or that I didn’t have it all together. I also felt that acknowledging these feelings was wasting time when I could be pushing through and getting things done. Why give more time to negative feelings when I have more important things to do?
It wasn’t until I heard that heart disease is the leading cause of death among women that I realized holding in my emotions could do more harm than good. In fact, a study conducted by the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester showed that there is an increased risk of a person dying of heart disease and certain forms of cancer when their emotions are consistently suppressed.
To help me express my feelings, but in a constructive way, I started journaling again. I say “again” because I had a diary growing up and got away from it while in college. Although this was a great first step and allowed me to better articulate my feelings, I still didn’t allow myself to fully let go.
But I’ve realized that as a mother, staying healthy isn’t just for my benefit but for my husband and children’s sake as well. It can still be a struggle at times, but I try to make time to analyze my feelings and express them in a unique way.
In addition to my suggestion of journaling, psychologist Alice Boyes recommends that people actually “observe how it feels in your body to feel the emotion. Scan your body to see how feeling the emotion feels in different parts of your body.” She also suggested labeling the emotions that are being felt.
In our busy lives, taking time for something as simple as your feelings is so very important. Don’t let them get in the way of your mental or physical health, but rather, take the time to address and express them when necessary.
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