Realities Of Living Together, Unmarried, For A Long Time

[caption id="attachment_833118" align="alignleft" width="1068"] Bigstockphoto.com/Beautiful young Afro American couple is making selfie using a smart phone and smiling while lying in bed at home[/caption] Today it’s quite common for couples to live together before getting married. In fact, over the last 50 years, the incidence of couples living together before tying the knot has increased by 900 percent. You read that correctly. It’s common that couples live together for a few years before saying, “I do” so they can sample before they buy, and see how they do in close quarters, sharing bills, responsibilities, and space. But if you look around, you’ll find a lot of your couple friends get married after a few years of cohabitation. But then there are those couples who, even though things are going great, don’t get married. And yet they keep living together, for years, and years, and years…Hey, it’s their prerogative! If you are one of these couples, then you know about the funny realities of living together for a long time without getting married.   [caption id="attachment_717848" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

People mention it a lot

Your friends seem to know exactly how long you’ve lived together, down to the week. Any time the subject comes up they become little investigators asking, “Didn’t you move in together five years and 3 and a half months ago? And weren’t you together for 14 months before that?” You get it; according to their math, you should be married by now. [caption id="attachment_608722" align="alignleft" width="436"] Corbis[/caption]

Some people think you eloped

People often wonder if you and your partner just secretly eloped and carried on with your lives without mentioning it. Some friends just can’t believe you’d live together this long without getting married, so they think you must have pulled some trick. [caption id="attachment_714821" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

People forget you aren’t married

People will start to refer to you as your partner’s wife and him as your husband. Or they’ll say things like, “You’re one of our best married friend couples.” After you’ve lived together for a while, your friends’ brains reject the fact that you aren’t married.     [caption id="attachment_709772" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

People still think they can crash

You and your partner don’t get nearly as much respect or privacy as your married friends do. If a drunk friend needs a place to crash or a heartbroken one needs a place to stay after a breakup, you’re the first couple they go to because they don’t want to bother their married friends.   [caption id="attachment_697220" align="alignleft" width="468"] Shutterstock.com/Candlelight dinner[/caption]

There’s pressure on anniversaries

When an anniversary, birthday, Valentine’s Day or major milestone comes along, everybody has eyes on the two of you, wondering if this will be the day your partner pops the question.       [caption id="attachment_612727" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis Images[/caption]

You joke about it and shrug it off

You and your partner have started making jokes about getting married—coming up with far-fetched, absurd wedding ideas. It’s really just a point of humor for you two at this point. And after laughing about it for a few minutes, you’ll get back to watching Netflix like you were just talking about the weather.   [caption id="attachment_701588" align="alignleft" width="420"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Your Venmo transactions are ridiculous

Your Venmo history consists entirely of transactions between you and your partner. You pay each other back and forth, all day, for using one another’s Amazon account, paying for the toilet paper, and covering the utility bill. People often ask, “Why don’t you just join accounts?” [caption id="attachment_698602" align="alignleft" width="469"] Shutterstock[/caption]

Some people call you Mrs. and you don’t correct them

Some neighbors, baristas, and servers at your favorite restaurant call you Mr. and Mrs. so-and-so and you don’t have the energy to correct them. So you’ve allowed the guy who makes your coffee to think you just don’t like wearing a wedding ring…for years.   [caption id="attachment_617902" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis[/caption]

Your parents withhold gifts

Your parents start mentioning things you could use for your apartment, and tag on things like, “Well, that could be a nice wedding gift some day” or “Write that down and put it on your registry.”         [caption id="attachment_616901" align="alignleft" width="378"] Corbis Images[/caption]

Separate bedrooms at your parents’

When you and your partner visit your parents, they still make the two of you sleep in separate bedrooms. And you’re thinking, “Hello! We live together!” But that doesn’t cut it with them (possibly because they’re trying to make you feel like an illegitimate couple).     [caption id="attachment_706179" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Playing pretend for conservatives

You have some family members, colleagues and family friends who simply can’t accept when a couple lives together before marriage. For the sake of keeping the peace, you’ve just told these people that you and your partner have been married for years.     [caption id="attachment_611081" align="alignleft" width="423"] Corbis Images[/caption]

People question your commitment

Some people ask you, “How do you know your partner is committed to you if he hasn’t proposed to you?” to which you say, “He packed up all of his things, left his last place, apartment hunted and signed a lease with me. That takes a lot more commitment than buying a ring does.” [caption id="attachment_705802" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

When you send out announcements

Every time you ask someone for their address so you can send them an invitation to your birthday party, your holiday party, your promotion party or any event, they ask, “Is it your wedding invitation?!” You have to awkwardly say, “No. It is not. It’s to celebrate our new puppy.” [caption id="attachment_704584" align="alignleft" width="420"] Image Source: Shutterstock[/caption]

Your parents’ shame

Your parents exhibit a little shame around the fact that you live with your partner but are not married. They may try to cover it up, but when people ask if you’re married they clearly let out a large sigh before saying, “No. But they’ve lived together for a long time.”     [caption id="attachment_617614" align="alignleft" width="420"] Corbis[/caption]

You stop caring about a big wedding

You get to a point when you’ve watching all of your friends go through the stress and financial burden of planning enormous weddings, so they’ve lost their allure to you. If you are going to get married, you will probably keep it small now.

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